Monday, October 31, 2005

Going out Tonight

Unlike Harriet, I don't need to spend the time before my hearings studying, so I've got together with my friends and we are going out as a 5-Member Majority.

It's going to scare the hell out of Karen Pearl.

A Song About Me

The delightful Southern Appeal (she does not reveal her name, but I'd like to call her "Zayde") has posted the following song about me (sung to Leonard Bernstein's "Maria" from "West Side Story.")

GEORGE (spoken) Alito . . .
(sings) The most beautiful sound I ever heard:
Alito, Alito, Alito, Alito . . .
All the beautiful sounds of the world in a single word
. . Alito, Alito, Alito, Alito . . .

Alito!I've just met a judge named Alito,
And suddenly that name
Will never be the same
To me.

Alito! I've just nominated a judge name Alito,
And suddenly I've found
How wonderful a sound
Can be!

Alito! Say it loud and there's music playing,
Say it soft and it's almost like praying.
Alito, I'll never stop saying Alito!
The most beautiful sound I ever heard.


I'm really quite flattered. However, I'm more a Rogers and Hammerstein sort of judge.

And therefore, my favorite Maria song is the one from The Sound of Music.

So those of you who would like to compose a song about my nomination based on THAT "Maria," please send it to me at -- the winning pro-Alito and anti-Alito songs will both go on the site. Deadline is Wednesday at Midnight.

My Halloween Costume

Well, they tell me that now that I'm the actual nominee I can uncork it a little.

So here's a start: Mike, no one ever wanted you on the court, you are just plain mean and ugly.

Chuck and Harry, I have my own Halloween Costume to show you. It's going to scare the pants off of you.


So apparently no sooner was my name on George's Lips than two members of the nations most deliberate body settled on what they thought were appropriate Halloween costumes.

Chuck and Harry are both going all over the morning circuit trying to discredit me. Harriet told me this would happen, but I didn't realize it would be so quick.

In any case, I'm told by my daughter that I can stop them with Kryptonite, which apparently is a song by a band called Coldplay.

Mutual Admiration Society

I feel like I'm up at the podium at the Oscars. I have so many people to thank.

Actually, not really, I only have one person to thank.

Article 3 Groupie, one of the greatest legal minds of her generation (at least those who are not members of the Elect), made a heartfelt plea on my behalf at the eleventh hour, when it looked like JM Luttig was going to take the nomination.

Article 3 Groupie's letter, I have it on good authority, was read by George Bush himself. He then told his son to pick me.

Thank you, A3G. While I have mentioned your site and its wisdom before, I realize that you now deserve special recognition.

Plus, you published the young and handsome picture of me. You flirt.

I hear the news is on its way

I'm in the office blogging while the president is talking.

He just named me.

I am a serious and quiet man, but I'm feeling giddy.

He said I have a "mastery of the law." Well, kind of.

Thanks for your support. I look forward to seeing you all here for a long time.

Here's to all of my fans

I am told the nomination is just moments away.

My name has been leaked.

I really couldn't be happier.

I want to thank you all for coming.

More later today if the news goes my way.

Sunday, October 30, 2005

The Three Ladies

So apparently there must be something to the rumors.

It's not just a two-horse race between me and Michael even.

Three "Lady" Justices have been told to get up and blogging. That's bad news for me.

Am I a Trial Balloon?

So I'm being bounced around on the Sunday Morning Talk Shows (as soon as they finish talking about G. Gordon Libby's old Flame, or something like that). This gives me great joy, as I would like nothing more to reach the court honorably, fairly, and with my dignity intact.

Unfortunately, more reliable sources describe me like this:I am just being thrown out there, apparently, to throw attention off the real nominee. If not my archnemesis J. Michael Luttig, then the Horsewoman of the Apocylpse, Edie Jones.

Frankly, I'm fine with it. I like balloons. Who among us has not, at some point or another, been someone else's balloon. And while clerks across the country may not believe it, even when I was a kid we all watched this tearjerker.

So that was a very quick visit to the spotlight.

I'm not expecting anything. But I haven't turned my cellphone to silent just yet.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

what makes me run?

My friends will recognize the clever reference in the title.

My enemies will say something typically stupid, like, "You don't run for the Supreme Court."

But the truth of the matter is, I'm a pretty nice guy. Sure, reporters call me Scalito and all that, but I'm not some kind of demagogue. I have even been called charming. And I guess I'm sorry for the "Photoship" stuff with Mike. I was just kidding around.

Truth be told, I think it's appropriate posting about a bitter fable about how success turns a sweet kid into a loathable prick is appropriate, given rumors that I, in fact, won't be nominated to the Supreme Court Monday.

I suppose if it's Mike, it's Mike. I, at least, won't look back on my life and regret how I behaved.

"And he learned, as he learned that arsenic killed, that a friend in power is a friend lost."

-- Henry Adams, The Education

Friday, October 28, 2005

So it's an old picture

So there was about fifteen minutes there when the folks at you-know-where seemed too busy to return my phone calls to look at the blog. The crisis seems to have passed, and now they tell me it's not fair of me to use a picture that shows me in my young and handsome days.

So I'm including a picture from my not-so-young, but just-as-handsome days. Like today.

Giotto did it, so I don't see why I can't.

A law clerk is teaching me "Photoship"

Leak, Schmeak

Okay, so you got your Friday afternoon news conference. Now it's time to start focusing on more important matters. Like my ascention to raw, unfettered, lifelong power. And Luttig's continued mutterings that he could have been a contender.

Or This One!

Confirmation hearings are on TV nowadays, Mike. Sorry to tell you the hard way.

Would you confirm this man?


I hear that Mike Luttig seems to be gloating a little about Little Miss Harriet's sudden cold feet. He's popping 21 bottles of champagne, and I'm popping his bubble. After all, Mike, when you were home drinking that champagne last night, I was going over my acceptance speech with Karl. So let's see who's still on the list come Monday, shall we?