Wednesday, November 30, 2005

I'm worth 2.1 Million Dollars

Today I turned in my completed questionnaire (here is a 64-page PDF, don’t say you weren’t warned). It includes a financial statement disclosing that as a lifelong government employee, I have saved wisely enough to be worth $2.112 million.

I’m sure the jokesters will be making fun of the paper I published called "Racketeering Made Simple(r)," and the liberals will say I did all sorts of evil things, so let’s get it out of the way.
Yes, I argued that that Customs Department should be able to stop and search any boat at any time. I pleaded that the government be allowed to cut food stamp distributions without telling the recipients. I believe the Attorney General should have absolute immunity for authorizing warrantless wiretaps, and that the government should be able to regulate political discourse on public television.

But lefties, take hope.

Seton Hall has given me two awards. The first honored the spirit of Thomas More (yes, the rebel and martyr who wrote Utopia). The second was for "embracing the legacy of Peter Rodino." You remember him—he sponsored the Civil Rights Act and the Voting Rights Act. And he oversaw the Nixon impeachment.

So don’t go carping. I’m a pretty swell guy.

8 comments:

Half Sigma said...

Did your wife's salary contribute to the $2.1 million nest egg?

Petere Fontes said...

Is this for serious?

SamuelAlito said...

Half:

Maybe she did, but not without informing me!

Peter:

Oh yes, it's "for serious" all right. Now if I can only find where serious is, I can give it to him directly.

Petere Fontes said...

O no, another smart-ass grammer policeman. Serious = real = 'n goeie begryper het net 'n halwe woord nodig jou omgekeerde toiletdeksel.

SamuelAlito said...

"grammer"?

Good thing I'm not a spelling policeman as well.

Neddy said...

That is just swell, Judge, that you are worth more than $2 million. However, I read through the financial disclosure and I noticed that you "neglected" to list the value of your Web log as an asset. I checked at Blogshares.com and it is worth over $1100. I hope this will not be a problem for such a swell guy as you are.

SamuelAlito said...

Neddy:

1) Bloglines sucks. Look on Technorati, this blog is worth $23K+

2) I also didn't list the blog when asked to list everything I've published "including online publications." I'm hoping no one on the senate hears about this blog.

Rarebit said...

Well, I'll have you know that my REAL name is TOM HARKIN.